If This Country Could Talk
To help me recount my time in Bulgaria, I thought I would employ the help of a variety of voices. Let’s see if we can piece together an adequate look at my 4 days in this far off land.
From the Varna guide book I received on a tour at Euxinograd:
- “The Bulgarian women, it is generally acknowledged, are beautiful and of substance.” (p. 25)
- “It is worth smoking Bulgarian cigarettes while you are in the country. Take a puff despite the warning from the Ministry of Public Health that smoking ruins your health. Smokers are not afraid of lingering death, are they?” (p. 30)
From Ryder, the 3-year old son of a professor on the ship:
Me: “What did you do in Bulgaria so far, Ryder?”
Ryder: “Today…we…uh…got to go on bumper boats and I got to drive and I bumped right into a girl and then I went and bumped right into a boy and he cried. Alot. Would you cry?”
Me: “I hope not.”
(1 minute later in the conversation)
Me: “So Ryder, what has been your favorite country so far?”
Ryder: “My favorite country…was…bumper boats.”
From Elka a tour guide (and so much more):
- “If you look to the right you will see the zoo. Don’t go there. It is sad and a waste of time.”
- “Here to the left is another example of ugly communist architecture. The walls in these residential buildings are so thin that at dinner times if families are eating crispy pizza, all of the neighbors can hear it. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.”
- “There. Look. There are two police officers. Always in Bulgaria there are two police officers. One who can read. And one who can write.”
From the perspective of the Many Icons painted all throughout the Dormition of the Theotokos Cathedral in downtown Varna:
Gabriel: “Hey Paul, can you believe that goofy looking guy actually paid the 5 Lev to take pictures in here?”
Paul: “What a chump!”
Gabriel: “And he will not stop talking about the difference between our use of humanistic representation and the mosques’ lack thereof. On and on with this pendantic drivel! Quit trying to sound so academic you punk and go back to Turkey!”
Jesus: “Will both of you be quiet! We’re in a church you know.”
From the Deodar (Himalayan Cedar) that was planted on the grounds of Euxinograd by King Alexandar in 1890 (who aside from being a bit of a playboy was also quite the horticulturalist and wanted plant species from around the world to surround his palace). Our tour guide Elka told us it had the power to remove negative energy if you touched it:
“Can someone please get this guy off of me? Did he really need to hug me? Hello? Security! I’m ticklis-Ha! Stop it! Guard-ah! Help! No fair! Stop! Plea-Ha!”
From the Black Sea (which is considerably less salty than the Mediterranean [I tasted]):
“I know my name, Εuξεινος Πντος, means ‘Hospitable Sea’ in Ancient Greek, but even I have my limits. How long are you going to be in here dude? Don’t you have places to be? Aren’t there cultural spots you wanted to see while here? Have you checked out the Dolphinarium. You need to do something else. I’ve seen you everday so far.”
From the Rocks that make up the Aladzha Monestary (which was built into a cave for protection from invaders) :
Jim the Rock: “20 lev says this guy slips on that gravel over there and then can barely fit through that passage.”
Roger the Rock: “It’s on.”
(Moments later)
Jim the Rock: “So when should I expect this payment?”
Roger the Rock: “Double or Nothing?”
(Moments later)
Roger the Rock: “C’mon!”
From Casey
after four days in port:
“Bulgaria was restful, sunny, and a slower pace which was just what I needed after a busy Istanbul and the upcoming challenges of traveling in Egypt. Life is good. Thanks for reading!”
