Board of Tourism Censorship, Egypt
The Chief Censorship Officer was leaning back in his chair after a long day of scouring the web when there was a knock at the door. He straightened his tie, removed his feet from the top of a few unread memos that lay scattered across his desk and shouted “Enter” to his closed office door.
In walked a newly hired member of the Organization for Tourism Censorship (an agency designed to help stop the critique of Egypt from rogue tourist bloggers). He was in his late 30s, beginning to bald and had a stomach that was pressing against the inside of his poorly ironed white button up.
“Good afternoon Hasani. I have found something that I think may be worth examining. It was brought to my attention today by a random Google search of the words ‘Egypt’ ‘Travel,’ and oddly enough ‘Smelly Feet,’” reported the newcomer.
The chief officer adjusted his computer screen, asked for the URL of the possible offender, and began to peruse.
“Alright Minkahb, let’s see what you’ve brought me. Hmm….’Ahoy, Casey!’ is the name of the blog. It’s relatively plain…with an occasional poorly framed photograph…and numerous grammatical errors. What is it that I’m meant to be concerned with?”
“Well first off, look at this photograph that was posted.”
“I don’t see the harm in it. It seems like a nice tomb.”
“Don’t see the harm! Seems like a nice tomb! This is the highly protected tomb of Ramses IX located in the Valley of the Kings, sir. The photographing of these sacred monuments is strictly prohibited. He can’t just be posting our treasures wherever he wants on the web!”
“Okay, okay. Take it easy. We will simply contact Tumblr.com, gain access to his account, and remove the photograph. Case closed.”
“There is so much more sir. If you could just read th—”
Hasani waved away the words of Minkahb and quickly skimmed the blog entry. Occasionally there would be a look of confusion on his face as he reread a few over-complicated run-on sentences. At times, there were a few chuckles. But overall, he seemed bored by the whole post.
“Okay Minkahb, other than being a poorly written depiction of our country, what is your concern?”
“That is exactly my concern! He has made many generalizations about Egypt from spending such a short amount of time here. Five days within our borders and suddenly this blogger writes as if he knows the place! One can’t see Cairo for two days, Luxor for two, and Alexandria for one and think that they have experienced our culture. If other people read this blog, they may not want to come to our great country!”
“I don’t have all day to debate this case. Tell me what you would change and let us move forward.”
“Okay. I have to admit that I did enjoy reading about his taxi driver Mido who attempted to teach him some Arabic and show him a different side of Giza. That was nice. However, later he states that the streets of Cairo appear to be ‘a lawless entanglement of thrill seeking speed demons, whose only common language is a honking horn and whose only common interest seems to be a closed casket funeral.’ That cannot be good for the Egyptian rental car industry or for tourism in general.”
“Okay, fine. Leave the Arabic lesson and clean up the description of the streets. Next.”
“I liked most of what he wrote about his whole Luxor experience. Traveling by night train does seem as exciting and romantic as he described it. What I don’t like is how he describes the heat. And I quote, ‘Being bathed in the Egyptian sun felt similar to having a warm wet blanket laid across your back while being force fed muscle relaxants and camel strength sedatives.’ If other potential tourists read this they may not want to spend time in our desert climate!”
“Fine. Cut it,” said a yawning Hasani. “What else?”
“His description of the sunset Felucca ride on the Nile was a fair portrayal of one our great tourist attractions (and the fact that he witnessed two of his coworkers get engaged on this boat was quite heartwarming). Also, the sense of wonderment that he conveys when describing the Temple of Karnak seems genuine. Be that as it may, his constant reference to Karnak as an important setting in his favorite comic book became obnoxious really quick. I think for the benefit of the post, we could cut all of those excessive allusions.”
“Yes. I agree. What is that American expression? ‘Nerd Alert’? Moving on. What else would you remove?”
“For his sake, I think we should consider removing a lot of these jokes he tries to make. They are really embarassing.”
“Such as…”
“The whole Mummy chase sequence.”
“Gone.”
“Talking about typos in the Hieroglyphics.”
“Good bye.”
“And this last one, ‘Even though we were from such different worlds with our own sets of norms, languages, traditions and histories, when I would pass gas at the same time as an Egyptian on the street, I knew we both had a Toot-in-Common.’ Does he really think this is funny?”
“I actually kind of liked that one. Not a bad play on words. But you’re right. Take it out.”
“Finally, I enjoyed the writing about his pyramid visit. The horse ride seemed like fun and his guide Sam was a charming character to read about. Also, I think he was sincerely touched by the immensity and historical significance of these ancient monuments. But how much time he spent talking about how sweaty he was and how bad he smelled was really unnecessary. We don’t want to dissuade anyone from visiting the pyramids because of one blogger’s perspiration problems.”
“I trust your judgment Minkhab. I will let you go and fix this blog entry. The Egyptian Tourism Board benefits greatly from your attention to detail and this hard work will surely be recognized in your next review.”
“Thank you, sir. All I want is for our country to be properly represented online. I appreciate your support. Good day.”
“Good day.”
After the door closes, Hasani rereads a few passages from his screen and laughs a little to himself. “Toot-in-Common? Who writes that?”
